5 surprising fact I've learned about being pregs

Pregnancy has brought an array of emotions to light in the past few months; you all know most of them because I share a lot on my blog. 

Having tried for nearly a year, I've had plenty of time to dream about how magical pregnancy would be, how I would look and feelings that would arise in the process. 

Let me just say this: NOTHING anyone says can prepare you for the art of creating a person.

See below.

1. I don't mind people touching my stomach.
[I'd call it a "belly" but that word always reminds me of an Austin Powers character and it's creepy.] I thought I would flip the hell out at the first person who thought it would be alright to touch my preggo pooch. After all, it's barely visible right now. But I don't mind a bit. Everyone seems to put their hand on my gut out of instinct, then immediately pull back in fear of getting their arm eaten off. "Oh, I'm sorry! I bet you hate that!!" Nope. Not really. I'm sure this will change later in my pregnancy when random strangers in Wal-Mart approach me with the intent to touch, but until then, I'm simply enjoying the attention. Because I'm told after the baby's born I become chopped liver almost immediately. So, friends and family - enjoy it while it lasts. Touch the baby bump all you'd like. Just don't linger too long. It gets creepy.

2. I haven't gotten fat. Yet, anyway. 
I've always been terrified of pregnancy for one reason [beside a human coming out of my lady parts, of course]: Gaining Weight. As a person who's struggled her entire life to stay thin, get thin, and who thinks about being thin every moment she's awake, it's hard to imagine what having another person being inside you will do to the size of your ass. When I first started showing at around 11 weeks [we're talking a slight bump], all I could tell people was, "I can't suck in any more. It's liberating!" As women we learn to suck it in or wear something that accomplishes that task for us, but being pregnant does not allow you to do that. Add in the fact that I can't gain weight to save my life, despite eating a healthy amount of food and not exercising regularly and you're left with Mallory-with-a-belly-but-no-change-to-her-ass. Those fears I've always had have yet to come true. And when I tell people this, they kindly reply, "Oh just you wait! It'll catch up with you soon!!" *cue the angry face-kick* People are SO awesome.

3. Filters don't apply around pregnant women.
I've heard some horror stories from preggo friends and relatives regarding the mean things people have said to them, but I never really believed it could happen until I experienced it myself. And I know I've kind of beat this subject to a pulp, but I feel it bears repeating. Out of context, saying "wow, you're getting big!" sounds downright mean, no? Well, I can assure you pregnant ladies like hearing it even less than people who have actually gotten fat. We've all judged strangers at restaurants for ordering that extra large portion of chicken alfredo [extra sauce, please], but we never say "man, that's pretty bad for you!" to their faces, do we? Yet somehow it's okay to say to a gal who's with child.
Here's a fun fact: women who are pregnant experience up to 30 years worth of female hormones in a matter of 9 months.
Still wanna comment on that slice of pie I'm eating? Didn't think so.

4. You don't automatically become a soccer mom. 
I know it's easy to believe that once you have a kid your life is totally over and you're no longer cool or young or have fun. But that's total bullshit. My sister & her hubs have proved that. They travel everywhere with their badass kid and they have more fun because of it. They still drink, hang out with friends, and have a grand 'ole time with life because they can. When I first found out about the little one, I flipped the eff out. Picture me sitting on a toilet in McDonald's having a panic attack. [note: that may or may not have actually happened] After coming to grips with the fact that I was now cultivating a human in my stomach, I suddenly began to freak out that I would no longer be considered young or cool [if I ever was to begin with]. Pathetic, I know. I have plenty of cool, young friends that have kids. It was a moment [or month] of weakness. But now I've come to realize that we can still be cool parents. We're just going to have to adapt. Let's face it, we don't do a whole lot of life-altering things as it is, so there's not much there to work with.
I want to keep my weird style, my weird music, and my potty mouth [for as long as I can, anyway].

5. I hate being pregnant. 
This is terrible and I want to feel bad about it, but an hour later a migraine strikes and I don't care again. Since going through fertility shit and struggling to get pregnant when we actually planned to, I always promised myself I would appreciate every single second of the mama-to-be process. It's easy to look at the idea of pregnancy and see it as a cake-walk. You don't truly know what it's like until you've been through it, no matter how many books you read or romantic comedies you watch on the subject. I feel like a giant asshat for even admitting that pregnancy BLOWS; but it does. Luckily there's a lot of good to balance out the bad. I know this process is a miracle and believe me when I say I truly appreciate everything my body is doing to keep my little one going. I love the little squirt more than I ever could have imagined and for me, that's all that matters at this point.