Confessions

Hello, friends!

I had a cah-RAZY busy weekend [another post on that this week]. And I know it's already Wednesday and we are, therefore, halfway to next weekend, but it seems I have just now recovered. 

This was after a meltdown of epic proportions Tuesday night, three days of a migraine, and somehow, still 11 hours of sleep each night.

It was rough. But I got through!

Every new day carrying the little one brings new and interesting challenges, mainly in the form of social expectations. 

I just want to throw this out there: social "expectations" severely piss me off. And not just in terms of being pregnant. I'm talking anything and everything. 

But being preggo has opened me up to a whole new realm of judging. Not just people who love me, either. I like to think their expectations are based solely on concern for both me and my spawn. 

I also get to enjoy passive judgments from strangers.

STRANGERS.

And taking into account some of the people that inhabit this town, it's a joke to even think my actions would be on the table for dissecting. 

So, I wanted to get everything out in the open. If I'm going to be judged, shouldn't I at least be able to defend my actions? 

I wanted to share with you all - my favorite people - the things I am doing to survive this pregnancy. 

Right or wrong, I'm a stubborn, stubborn girl. So save yourself the time and don't try to convince me one way or another. ;)  

1. Caffeine - I've always been a caffeine person. I typically had a 32 oz diet mtn. dew a day, mainly to survive a day at work. When I first found out about Squirt, I stopped drinking it altogether. Then, I started getting terrible, horrible, headaches. I had a can of Mountain Dew on one of those bad days and my headache quickly went away. Which I suppose is why most migraine medication has caffeine in it. So, since then, I have allotted myself ONE can of soda a day. I know my mother cringes every time I open a can, and I can't blame her; both for the sake of my slightly defective heart and the fact that every article and book you read says "CAFFEINE WILL SURELY KILL YOUR CHILD". 

Alright, it doesn't say that exactly, but they might as well. This leads all of society to believe that it will, in fact, harm your child. When in reality, pregnant women are safely allowed up to 200 mg of caffeine a day! To put this into perspective, one can of Mountain Dew has 51 mg of caffeine. 

My kid will be fine. Maybe he/she will practically sprint out of the womb when I'm giving birth, but I'm willing to risk it if it gets rid of these GD headaches. I'll just have a spirited child on my hands. 

2. Beer - GASP. BIGGER GASP. FAINT.  This is one of the worst. And being a former [as in 4 months ago] avid beer drinker, it also pisses me off the most. I love beer. Blue Moon, most of all. And my husband gets a beer whenever he wants, which only fuels the hate fire. 

Can I point out that over in good 'ole Europe, preggo women have a glass of wine whenever they want. And you don't see a bunch of decrepit European kids running around, do you? The whole alcohol thing is blown SO out of proportion, it's not even fair. The idea behind not drinking alcohol while pregnant is that you shouldn't binge drink. As in, please don't drown your fetus in booze. That's rude. And they probably won't like it. 

But after the first trimester, it's perfectly safe to have a beer or glass of wine every now and again. I had a Blue Moon the other night when Matt and I went out to dinner. That's right. And it was magical. My first beer in FOUR MONTHS. I nearly died of happiness. But I know the bigger I get, the bigger risk I have of those judging eyes from other restaurant-goers. Not to mention the surprised tone of the waitress when I order the house Red.  Hell, my own husband even gave me shit for it, which is perfectly hypocritical of him. 

Whatev's. I have no intention on being told what to do by strangers. Or really anyone for that matter. Save for my doctor. He does have a degree after all. 

3. Pre-preggo clothes - This entire pregnancy thing has instilled in me a fear of completely losing my identity. It's very depressing. And buying maternity clothes only makes matters worse. Have you seen those things? EVERY. SINGLE. SHIRT. has a freaking ruffle on it. I don't do ruffles. And don't even get me started on those pants with the giant panel. Sweet lord. 

Oh Rach. Only you could pull this off. 

So I plan on wearing my pre-preggo clothes until I am busting out of them. I'm finally getting to the point where people are saying, "oh, she's pregnant!" [and hopefully adding a "really cute" in there somewhere] more than, "man, she's really let herself go." I feel like I can wear some of the t-shirts I love even if my gut is sticking out. My one rule: if the midriff isn't showing, it's wearable. Most of my jeans still fit; some of them  need a little bit of creative "engineering" when buttoning, but I'm a very creative person. 

I don't want to leave my "style" behind, and I sure as hell don't want to lose my personality in the midst of all of this. My kid would be ashamed of me if that happened. I'm still young and I still want to wear the weird crap I always have. 

So the "Bob's" shirt is here for good. Or until my gut is hanging out of it. 

4. The Pregnant excuse - I am constantly being told "enjoy it while it lasts!" or "take advantage of it!" in reference to my "condition" [yes, someone said that recently]. So if I want to leave a gathering at 8 pm, you're freaking right I'm going to say "I'm really tired.." [because I likely am] and get the hell out of there.
And you know what? No one questions it. Because you're pregnant. And they don't want to anger the beast. It's the best excuse ever and I'm going to use it well after I've even given birth. The wordage will simply switch to "I just popped a kid out of my lady parts. Leave me alone." 

5. Books. Oh the books - I am so sick of reading about pregnancy. Books, articles, message boards; it's exhausting. I got ONE regular book that my mother insisted I read, What to Expect When You're Expecting. Only because any time I thought of being pregnant before, I always knew I'd want to read that book. It's a no-brainer.
But the rest of the books out there? They will bore you to death. There's only so many times you can read about an episiotomy without sobbing.  So I started getting books about parenting with humor. After all, I'm convinced humor is all that will keep me going during all of this.

 

I'm not through any of them. My attention span is the size of a spec of dirt when it comes to reading books that aren't fiction. But so far they're all amazing. And hilarious. And incredibly informative. But in a funny way.
Now that's the way to read books about parenting.

I've had people commend me on not caring about what other people think during all of this, but in the end I really do care. I care because I don't want to be a craptastic mother. I care because I don't want to hurt my kid. And I care because society wants me to care. I'm not totally heartless. I worry sixteen hours a day about my child [not counting when I dream about it]. But I feel like there's a point we all need to sit down and think about all the shit we worry about. The list of "no's" on the pregnancy fun list is excruciating. 

What the hell did they do back in the old days when people were pregnant? The ladies still worked their asses off, lifted heavy stuff I'm sure, and gave birth in a trough out in the back yard. Those women would be humiliated with how coddled us pregnant chicks are today.

And they'd likely feel sorry for us for all the fun we don't get to have. 

Now, excuse me while I go sit and think about all that trampoline jumping and scuba-diving I won't be doing.

*quiet sobs*