Adventures of a [Not So] Domestic Goddess

Long time, no post.
M'ah bad.
*Rewind two weekends*

I've been kinda busy with a random assortment of events.
First: Keeping track of this dog.
He's stinkin' hilarious! So far I have heard him bark one time.
Winning!
And he has yet to have an accident in the house.

[knocks on wood]

Then, there was a bake sale.

I'm just going to get this out there:

I am in NO way a homemaker. 

God did not put me on this earth to get married and serve my husband. Far from it.

[I think those of you who have met me even once could've guessed that.]

So I refuse to clean by myself.
I am not the only person who wears clothes, so I get help with laundry too.
When I cook, Matt does dishes.
And I don't bake.

That being said, when our friends put on FB that they were having a bake sale to fund-raise for this little one's heart surgery -

[isn't he stinkin' adorable?!]

- I asked immediately what I could bring.

This was premature thinking. I hadn't quite thought before I spoke. Not because I didn't want to help - of course I did! - but because I have discovered I am the world's worst baker. 

Like, of all time.

I started off with

"Easy" Oreo Truffles.

Hence the quotation marks.

Easy my arse. 

The very first step - "finely crush" oreos. I tried this by hand. 

Needless to say that didn't work. 

Uhhhhh.....

*Madly text Meghan*

Meghan doesn't answer

*Call Meghan*

Meghan doesn't answer

Crap.

*Text Adam*

Guess what? 

Adam doesn't answer

*Text Ness*

DING! DING! DING!
We have a winner!! Ness saves the day.
Put oreos in large zip-lock bag and proceed to take out all of this week's frustrations on said bag of Oreos [via any type of crushing device you have handy]. 

Next, I had to melt the chocolate. 

So, using my baker's skills, I thought - 'hm. I should probably use a microwavable safe bowl, eh?' Which would've worked if the makers of my mixing bowls weren't LIARS. 

Apparently, there's a no-slip-grip-strip at the bottom of my "microwaveable safe" bowls that will melt when you heat chocolate to molten hot temperatures. 

This melting process stunk up my entire house like burning hair & [strangely enough] Indian food.
As well as leaving a sketchy and confusing dark brown residue on the bottom of the bowl.

But the baking Gods must have been watching over me because I finally finished all three dishes by midnight. [yeah, I started at 6pm. That's how good I am.]

But I felt oddly accomplished because I didn't really screw up too bad!

 Cheesecake Bites

And my Calorie-Friendly cupcakes! Nom nom..

Not too shabby, eh!?

And then Saturday afternoon was Kenzie's Piano recital!!

She did SO great! She played "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" from The Lion King. 

[Pretty much my favorite movie of all time]

Fast Forward to last Thursday - 

R I V E R F E S T

[Salina's coolest -and only- asset]

 

For those of you who don't know, the Smoky Hill River Festival is an annual event with bands, art, and other random goodies from around the country. It's a weekend-long event that brings in a lot of "awesome" to the Salina area.

Friday night, I picked up Kenzie & we went to look at all of the art exhibits & handcrafted goodies that the vendors bring in.

  

And Saturday morning, I woke up with the peacocks (6 am) to go register us for the Festival Fitness Five!

I wanted to do the five mile, but I thought that would be a little too much for Kenz, so we did the two mile walk and we ran in between. That girl is one fast runner. My favorite quote from her that day:

Kenzie: "Everyone thinks I have really long legs because they're so skinny"

Me: "Believe me, you'll learn to appreciate that a lot more when you're older."

So, so true.

 I have no idea why I'm standing like that. Pretend like that didn't happen. 

We got done with the race around 9 and I took her to the Golden Arches for breakfast and then took her home. Afterwards, I had several errands to run and not much time to do it. I was walking incredibly fast through the stores I went through [power walk!] to get done and get home.

Matt got home and was doddling, as usual, so I had to hurry him along so we could get out the flippin' door and head to KC for the wedding.

 

They had this awesome photo booth there which we might have had a little too much fun with...

If you don't have Facebook and want to see the pictures, go here. 

 

It was a gorgeous wedding and hella-fun Dance afterward. Good times were had by all.

Besides the mishaps of falling out of chairs [I still maintain that Matt is to blame. ;) ] I'd deem it a success! 

Congrats to Ben & Emmie!

Time to gear up for another exciting weekend.

Can't wait to see you all again!!

-Mal