Tuesday, November 13, 2012

10 Reasons Why Mornings Suck.

I'm not a morning person. Not even a little.
I typically "wake up" at about 10:30 am. 
I mean, I'm up by 7:30, but it takes a while for me to collect my thoughts.

So I thought, "hey, I should share why I'm so angry with morning time." 
10 Reasons Why Mornings Suck:

  1. It requires me to stop sleeping. I like sleeping. You do the math.
  2. My husband has to rehearse his Stomp! routine before he goes to work. I'm all like, "can't it wait until after work?" And he's all, "no." 
  3. The fact that someone is sneaking into our house in the middle of the night and supplying one of our cats with crack. The effects kick in at approximately 5 am where she proceeds to run around the house at warp speed and make as much noise as a squirrel in a nut factory. As an added bonus, sometimes she'll jump on me and claw the shit out of my face.
  4. What's worse than having to get up an hour earlier than usual? Getting up an hour early to go to the dentist.
  5. Alarm clocks. Because there's nothing like starting the day off with a heart attack.
  6. Getting out of the covers and thinking that you just woke up outside. In Alaska. Because it's so cold that your hair froze and bits broke off in the middle of the night. I might think twice before going to bed with wet hair.
  7. Waking up two minutes before your alarm is going to go off. Those two minutes feel like two seconds by the time you doze off again.
  8. Trying to track down food. It's like trying to find the end of a rainbow.
  9. When my husband sings Morning Time. You know, the song the guy sings on Friends right outside of Chandler's window? It's funny on the show. Not so funny in real life.
  10. TV. There is nothing good on TV in the morning. Ever. I mean, I could listen to the crap music on VH1, but I prefer to...not. Or I could watch the news, and then want to kill myself after. Or perhaps Good Morning America, but I don't think anyone really wants to watch that. They just do because there is nothing else on. Let's get some Friends reruns on there, kids. Hell, I'd even settle for a crappy movie. All I'm saying is, I'd like some options.
Please, feel free to add any of your favorite morning moments. But I assure you - no one is less of a morning person than me. I'm a terror. Just ask my sister. 


  1. I should let you borrow Max. Most mornings he wakes up with lots of smiles to share, but some mornings he wakes up crying. In that case, you shouldn't be around him. Your husband performs his Stomp routine, while mine busts through our bathroom and bedroom doors like a SWAT team raiding a drug house. Just open the door like a normal person, no need to throw your whole body into it! All in all, mornings are the worst.

  2. We wake up to gunshots from roadhunters. Or theres a large killer Packrat trying to make himself cozy and at home. Or we wake up in the cold as well since it gets to about 5 F at night because our doors are old and warped that they open on their own. From the gustin winds. But now we have a big stove and got rat shot.22 for incidences. :-D

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  4. Trying to run in the mornings is maybe the worst idea I have ever had. As if I already didn't have an inner-battle EVERY morning about whether or not to throw my phone against the wall...now I have to have another inner-battle about whether it's worth freezing my butt off to sacrifice another hour of precious sleep. Stupid mornings.

  5. I am right there with you Mal on most of these. The worst for me is when you actually do make it to work at the ungodly time of 7:30a.m. and people are all like, "hey whats your problem, lets not be so grumpy in the mornings, ok?" and all I can do is kind of smile enough to keep my job but on the inside you just want to punch them in the face for talking to you because you aren't awake yet and being quiet is all the good you're going to get out of me at that hour.


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